Slowing Down Don’t Come Easy

I’ve always felt like a burden.

I’m told I never cried as a baby. And I know I was an overly quiet child. I just never wanted to trouble anyone with my problems. It is one of my more unfortunate tendencies. 

Unsurprisingly, that habit has carried over to most facets of my life. Including my photography.

When someone is learning to become a marksman, they teach them to act like they have all the time in the world. You don’t. You may have less than a second to make the shot, but you can’t think of it that way. When you focus on a ticking time clock, you panic. When you panic, you rush. When you are in a rush, you make mistakes. 

Photography works much the same way. I suppose that’s why we call it shooting.

I love photography. I love shooting. And I love working with subjects. I love the collaboration between two excited people working towards making something beautiful. 

And yet, when the time comes, I am rarely in the moment. Instead, my excitement is glazed with anxiety. Is she comfortable? Am I taking too long? Is she realizing she’s made a mistake and I suck and I’m a fraud and I should just hurry up and let her get this over with before she gets fed up with me and leaves?

Even on a great shoot, where I know I’m getting incredible shots, I feel like I am being a burden to my subject.

And it’s silly really. If my model didn’t want to be there, she wouldn’t be. If she was uncomfortable, she would probably tell me. Especially if I asked.

I recently read a photographer explaining the inability to slow down as a function of ADHD brain. That’s interesting. Something I never considered. Perhaps that’s part of it. Do I have ADHD? I don’t know. It would explain some things.

Regardless of the cause, the problem has been ongoing for quite some time.

Slow down. Just breathe. You have all the time in the world.

It’s the one lesson I have never been able to master.

#education #learning #photography #ego #achievement